Greenpoint Coffee House

You know that awkward feeling when you're at brunch with a male friend, and people are looking at you guys as if you did the deed the night before?

Well, it was completely destroyed by how AMAZING the lox-scallion cream cheese is. Nobody's saucy smile at the two of us could bother me! It was the perfect ratio of chunks of lox, mixed with fattening and oh so delicious cream cheese, flecked with flavorful scallions. They were out of bagels, so I had it on an english muffin with tomato. It didn't matter that I had been craving an Everything. So. Damn. Good.

Jesus Christ! Just get the pumpernickel everything bagel with smoked salmon, herbed cream cheese, capers, and pickled onion. The granola is fantastic too.

The food was so good that I want to break something.

Minus one star for the disaffected waitstaff that were once so prevalent in Williamsburg and are now drifting north. My waitress looked like an american apparel ad.

OK I can see the "we're trying to look like a French bistro" thing. Great decor, much nicer than most French bistros of course.

But the Greenpoint Coffee House is why we needed Brooklyn Label.

Yes they have wi-fi. No complaints. But if you go to work there in the evening, they'll turn the lights down so low it's impossible to read and work on your computer at the same time. Subtle hint - it's drinking and dining time, not working-on-your-stuff time. I am French - I drink wine while I work. Can I do that or is the invisible other person in the place offended by my behavior?

Yes they have service. The hipster-I'm-too-cool-to-be-doing-this girl who not only thinks it's normal to charge you $3.50 for a glass of O.J, but says that since that's all you had this time, you should go and pay at the counter, she's not going to bother with writing the check.

Yes they have food - as noted by other reviewers though, how much sour cream can you have over your 3 eggs and your nasty canned spinach? Thankfully the service is so slow over brunch that you almost faint, so what would usually be too many eggs comes in handy for resurrection purposes.

Your only excuse to go to Greenpoint Coffee House is in the evening, if your internet connection is down, and/or you want a glass of wine with a burger. To be fair, the evening food is nice. The service is also better. The wine, when they actually have the bottles announced on their menu, is a delight. The whole experience would be so much more enjoyable though if there were some kind of correlation between the location, the service and the prices.

I want to love this place, I do. I love going there, actually. I love the decor; I love the booths; I love the bar. But my god, the service is really shitty, and I've never been served such greasy food in my life. One time my omelet was so greasy, in fact, that I actually held the eggs with a napkin and poured the orange grease on to a side plate. Another meal I ordered the French toast--it was more like French FRIED toast. It was incredibly crispy and greasy. Ech. No thanks. Also--and this really gets me--no refills on coffee when you're sitting there eating their greasy food? Why not? I've worked in the coffee industry for a very long time, and I know it would not break the bank to at least pass by with a friggin' six-ounce warm-up at least once.

This place is two blocks away from my house, the underwhelming Brooklyn Label is two doors down--when will I find brunch peace in Greenpoint?

I have to admit, I'm a Manhattan snob. Going to Brooklyn is an adventure for me. But my best friend Amy lives in Greenpoint, and this is one of the only ways she gets me to go to Brooklyn. The trip can be lengthy on a Sunday - hop on the L (with the likely delay of trackwork), transfer at Lorimer to the G, wait forever, and then take the G two stops to Greenpoint Avenue. From the station, it's about a 10 minute walk.

BUT... it's worth it. Yes, the service can suck (mainly just waiting for a table to clear up - this place gets busy on weekend brunch service), but the food is amaz. If you crave pancakes, this is the place to go - the pancakes are FABULOUS ($7). They have a great tea selection as well - many to choose from. And you must get a side of their home fries ($3), which are to die for.

So yes, I'll take the upwards of 45-60 minute trip just to trek out to the Brooklyn boonies (ok, ok, they're not really boonies, but the G....you gotta understand) but because the food here makes me happy for the rest of the day. And the week for that matter. I would give it 5 stars, if only it delivered to the East Village (hah... to dream)

PS.. my friend says they have dinner. Perhaps next time, yes?

I love the decor of this place, which makes it look a bit like a French bistro/cafe. There is usually a wait at brunch, because the place fills up with hungover hipsters needing grease. This probably also contributes to the extremely slow brunch service. If you order a poached egg dish, you'll get not the standard two eggs, but three. I was very disappointed by my eggs florentine that came with nasty canned spinach - it would have been good had they bothered to heat up even some frozen spinach instead.

They have a decent dinner menu as well and I prefer going there for dinner rather than brunch, as it tends to be less crowded with more attentive service. A random note - the last time I went I ordered a quesadilla and it seemed like they dumped a whole 16 oz. container of sour cream on top - who needs that much sour cream?! Beer and wine are available (I think throughout the day) as well as your standard coffee house items.

Note: they close around 6 or 7pm during the winter. Boo.

I wouldn't necessarily recommend going here for the food (except the $2.50 egg and cheese sandwich on weekday mornings) or even the coffee (Try Cafe Grumpy for that).

What Greenpoint Coffeehouse is best for is a place to hang out on a Sunday night and recharge your batteries for the week ahead. You can even recharge your laptop batteries, if you wish to use their spotty wireless internet access. I really appreciate, however, that the atmosphere is somehow homey enough that the glow of laptop screens just adds to the cozy, candlelit vibe, rather than making the place feel like an office.

So come on down to Greenpoint Coffeehouse, take in the Pacific Northwest-y new folk music and the cute, slightly dirty, Pacific Northwest-y staff, sip from their delicious tea menu (blood-orange/pear-yum!) and forget for a few minutes that you have to pack into the noisy, dirty, crowded subway tomorrow morning on your way to work.

UPDATE: STAR ADDED! So GPCH seems to have revitalized their menu, so I can take back my earlier comment and say that the food *is* worth going for! I've had lunch a couple times now. The mac & cheese is fantastic...more like cheesy lasagna with super crunch on top, and I added bacon. Mmmmmm.

MEH. The service was awful from the minute we walked in. Though there were numerous empty tables it took atleast 5 minutes for us to be seated. Worse thing happened to 3 men the same night. They stood by the "wait to be seated" sign longer than us unacknowledged, ended up waiting at the bar then later on grabbed their own menus and walked themselves to a table. wth?! I thought the food will be their saving grace but my frisee salad drowned in vinaigrette dressing which made it hard to eat. There won't be a next time for sure.

Pros: ambiance, price

after a few stops into the greenpoint coffee house, i can definitely give it a 'yay! i'm a fan' four star rating. the coffee drinks have been good and the service ok. granted, i've only had orders-to-go, so i can't attest to wait service, but the staff have been friendly to me more or less.

the decor inside is quite charming and makes me want to grab a seat and check it out. plus, there's free wi-fi (this is always a plus). and they have these nea 'buy 9 drinks, get one free...' cards. overall, it's a nice little neighborhood spot.

Good bloody mary's brought me here time and again and if the english muffin was a bit burned, who gives a damn? Well, I visited the GCH for the last time two weeks ago and when I wandered in for brunch I noticed the kitchen was extra crazy. The smell of smoke (or burning grease-yuck!) was so strong they had to open the place up and air it out repeatedly. I really felt kinda pukey by the time the eggs benedict came but I tucked in out of sheer hunger. It was greasy, burned and disgusting. I pushed it away after a few bites and returned to the ol Bloody Mary. Vodka never lets you down.

Three hours later I found myself in the middle of a city block, clutching my stomach and wincing. Let's just say I can't risk the GCH again. My bathroom may not be close enough next time.