Should I Start to Go On Real Dates Now? -or- I NEVER DATE

in Beziehungen & Dating

    • benji m.
    • Santa Monica, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 33 Freunde
    • 0 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    Okay now that I am in my thirties I am wondering whether I should start to go on real dates. I never did this before. In California its pretty laid back. When I meet girls usually I'll meet for coffee and then meet them later at the bar after I get their number.

    Once at the bar/club I never pay for their drinks or... maybe I'll pay for a round just for fun. Then if I'm gonna hook up with them it happens.

    I never ask chicks out on formal dates to dinner because I feel its awkward (unless I already know them). Now that I am old should I start doing this? Is this what women really want? Women I know use "dates" to get free dinners and we laugh about it. These same girls are sometimes meeting me an hour or two later.

    On the other hand, there is something to be said for a "planned evening" which shows that you are cool and in control as a man, even if its dinner at Hot Dog on a Stick and then a walk on the pier.

    • 302 Freunde
    • 130 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    If I don't know her, then I can't possibly know if she is the kind of person I want to "date" per se...therefore meeting some place casual for drinks seems the most appropriate and thing to do.  It is less stressful and awkward for both of us (than say, a dinner date)...and you have more options, whether things are going well or not.  I tend to sort for options, but in a way it is also a sort of test.  If she likes me, it shouldn't matter where we go.  If she demands something complex or expensive, then she's not the kind of person I want to spend my time or money on anyway.  I'm not cheap by any means, but I can't tolerate shallow values either.

    • Sherri B.
    • Marina del Rey, Vereinigte Staaten
    1.5.2008

    listen to chris . . . he's smart :)

    • e.d. c.
    • Whittier, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 210 Freunde
    • 0 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    I just had this conversation via PM with another Yelper who was asking advice on how to ask a girl on a date.  I told him that I always thought girls liked the casual, informal approach.  As in, "hey, we should hang out" or "we should go grab a a beer", rather than an awkward, nervous proposition.  If you're nervous and make it feel "date-like", I think it sets the tone of what the date will be like and the expectations he may have.  I personally, don't even like the term "date" when hanging out with a guy.

    • 270 Freunde
    • 456 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    Just make sure if it's casual you pay. It's not the money, it's the signal that "yes, we are on a date." If she refuses outright then you know that you're not on a date. If she says, "okay but let me get the next round" you most likely are. I hate the ambiguity of the 21st century. I want to go back to the days of courting. Way easier.

    • John W.
    • Los Angeles, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 14 Freunde
    • 0 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    Do you want to go on real dates?  If hanging out with chicks and hooking up later works than why are you even asking this question.  What do you think you're going to accomplish by going on a formal date. If you want to start a relationship with a woman you hook up than do it.  Formal dating is just going to cost you more money and will probably send out the wrong message.

    • Ed C.
    • Los Angeles, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 143 Freunde
    • 249 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    you have to be obvious these days

    just say, "hey wanna go on a date date? i'll pay if you put out." if she says "sure" then you're made in the shade.

    if she thinks you're a creep, just go "i'm kidding. just seeing if you have a sense of humor." then don't call her again.

    • Wes S.
    • Ventura County, Vereinigte Staaten
    1.5.2008

    Date schmate

    • R L.
    • Los Angeles, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 212 Freunde
    • 269 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    Even if you are just meeting for coffee, have a plan.  Text some near-by movie times to yourself, pick a meeting spot where you could walk around or go to a museum, play tetherball, whatever.  Nothing's lamer than having a great time at coffee and then stuttering over what to do next.

    • Ed C.
    • Los Angeles, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 143 Freunde
    • 249 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    ruth l - the bedroom is what's next - duh

    • Edward K.
    • Hermosa Beach, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 80 Freunde
    • 0 Beiträge
    1.5.2008

    Dinner at "Hot Dog On A Stick"??

    Is that for real or are you talking in code???

    • O G.
    • Los Angeles, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 61 Freunde
    • 258 Beiträge
    • R L.
    • Los Angeles, Vereinigte Staaten
    • 212 Freunde
    • 269 Beiträge
    2.5.2008

    Coffee does boost the sex drive of female rats.  news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/heal…

    • Lena B.
    • Irvine, Vereinigte Staaten
    2.5.2008

    i don't think you should date these women you know.
    on the flip side, some men (i don't know them personally...whew) use "date" to get free sex.  i laugh at them.

    • 17 Freunde
    • 89 Beiträge
    2.5.2008

    aaron, you are really "not normal" to ask.  By your descrip, your already doing the right thing.  No need to ask for some "special" date.

    • 64 Freunde
    • 183 Beiträge
    2.5.2008

    Skylar "Skip from Robins Brothers" L. says:

    Just make sure if it's casual you pay. It's not the money, it's the signal that "yes, we are on a date." If she refuses outright then you know that you're not on a date. If she says, "okay but let me get the next round" you most likely are.

    Mmm...sometimes I say that I'll get the next round even before I even assume it's a date, so I don't think if a girl necessarily says that, it's officially a "date."  I may not even talk to the guy after that and would never have recalled that "outing" a "date."  It's a fine line.

    But yea...in response to the thread...meeting for something informal is probably better...

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